If Looks Could Kill....

Imagine this: you are in a different city, surrounded by people you have never seen before and you feel very out of place and awkward. You're supposed to be surrounded by fellow believers who are related to you with a bond that is stronger than any family blood. Yet it is those very people who stare at you as if you'd come from a different planet and even worse, they're giving you the "stink eye". After a while you're approached by some people, but they're people of the opposite gender! To you, that makes no difference at all: that person is a brother in Christ and an interesting person to talk to. But, unfortunately, this seems to magnify the "stink" eye several hundred times. Not a place you'd want to be right?



There are several ways you can react to this scenario: you can level that stink eye right back accompanied by a self-satisfied smirk, you can huff and puff and start complaining to everyone who unfortunately happens to be nearby, you can spring from your chair and stalk to those few who won't stop staring and give them a piece of your mind, or you can laugh and ignore it and sneak in a few prayers. I know which ones I lean to when I happen to be in this scenario, and I know which one I should undertake. But knowing isn't always the same as doing.


So how should you react when the above scenario takes place and you find yourself in the middle?


If you take the first option you have just lowered yourself to their level. In God's eyes you're just as guilty and your lame excuse of "they did it first" won't cut you any slack. Rise above those generous givers and instead make eye contact and send them a bright smile(not a false one!) full of God's grace.


Second option is just as bad. In fact allowing this small annoyance to ruin your night is just what those people wanted. In fact they're probably giving each other high fives under the table, lol. Scripture tells to be "giving thanks in ALL(emphasis mine) things"(Eph. 5:20 and 1 Thes. 5:18) and yes that includes those awkward, squirming moments. Plus you've just ruined the night for those others who are around you. Complaining, and especially listening to complaints is no one's idea of fun.


Third option is just plain bad. Time for confession... this one would be my personal number one choice. That is nothing to be proud of! If you go down this path it's one of no return. In a moment of anger you can say hurtful things which later will be exposed as unfairly harsh. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to "be angry and do not sin." Later in that same chapter, vs. 29 tells us "let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give GRACE to those who hear."(empahsis mine) Also you have probably just ruined our testimony. Have no doubt word will spread like fire and within at least 24 hours you'll be infamous. Say goodbye to sharing your testimony at a church for a good couple years. If you still want to approach that person and exhort them then wait for a fitting occasion, aka later when you cool off, and approach with humility and the Bible. Otherwise don't do it.


Fourth option is the way I would go. BY THE GRACE OF GOD!!! None of us can pick this option on our own. God's Holy Spirit is needed to make this effective and pure in motive. Oh you might choose it to look good in front of others or because you know it will make those givers even angrier and look even more dumb. That's human, definitely not divine. "the venom of asps is under their lips. their mouths are full of curses and bitterness." (rom. 3:13-14)--that's us. Laughing takes strength, God's strength. Ignoring takes strength, God's strength. Praying most definetly takes strength, God's strength. It also takes humility and that comes only by God's grace. Focus on those around you and your conversation withthem. If necessary put yourself in a position where you won't be facing those people and if they are all around you keep your eyes glued to the table, your food, the ceiling, your other partner in conversation's face, or whereever else you can think of. Laugh at the absurdity of their thinking those "stink eyes" will ruin your night.


And pray. Thank God for the grace given to you that you are doing what you are doing and not going by those other options, pray for further grace that you might share only gracious thoughts towards all, pray for the opening of their eyes(figuratively and literally =), and pray that you might take this a lesson to never do that to others. And pray about whatever else your heart desires to. The hardest path, yet one which will leave you with godly joy and humility and great memories of a great night! Most of all, this is the only path which will glorify the One you are representing at all times.


Let's be honest, those generous givers are most often females. It can go under numerous names: the evil eye, the dirty look, etc. I'm not saying all "stink eyes" are bad..some might be necessary for misbehaving children or when someone said something inappropriate and you need to let them know quickly and quietly. But most often that isn't why you are tempted to give them. Most times it's because that girl is sooo annoying and she's flirting with my man! And the sad fact is you're jumping to conclusions and probably overreacting. Once you recieve one unfairly, or on some occasions--several hundreds, you know at how it makes you feel. Use that experience to teach you a lesson on making others feel welcome and at home. Behind those evil eyes are some nasty words which judge you harshly. Gossip. Let these experiences burst your heart wide open and if you ever catch someone else on the receiving end be sure to walk up to that person and talk to them, making sure they don't feel like you felt when you were in their shoes.